Have to try

It's been a week of wondering whether I should attempt GWN. After tonight, the option to roll over is gone and I'm in. Thanks to everyone for their encouragement and great advice. Basically the options are rollover or drop out and not know what I can do, or try and see what I can do. It's going to hurt and I may not finish, but at least I'll know.

Training for this week:
Wednesday: ran about 6km. Crashed in the midlle and had to walk for a bit but I recovered and felt really strong at the finish.

Thursday: ultraconditioning workout

Friday: swam for an hour and practiced; breathing every third stroke, relaxed kick, reaching with my right hand and not looking down. It's getting better but I still have a lot of work to do.

Saturday: biked 60kms (2.5 hrs) The way felt pretty good. My gears are still changing like crap but it was a nice morning. I was thinking how perfect it was for riding until I turned around and was heading straight into the wind all the way back. It was a real struggle in places but I made it. Afterwards I went for a massage-he really worked my sore shoulder for a while which hurt but the rest of the massage was great!

Sunday: ran 8km. I should be running further this close to the race but I'm still adjusting to long bikes and runs back to back. I was tired for the first few km but felt pretty good by the end.

6 days to decide

I don't think I can count how many posts I've spent wondering whether I can finish this half ironman. Well here is another one...

I have 6 days to roll over my entry to next year. I'm sure there are many people on the waiting list that would be more than happy if I did. I can't explain how torn I feel on this. When I'm out on my bike I just don't feel strong, my legs feel tired and I'm not moving very quickly. I haven't put any real miles on my bike - I've done 3 rides around an hour each. After the swim session on Friday, I realized how much work I have to do in the water (a lot!) The thing that haunts me the most is the cut-off times. If I take an hour for the swim and 4 hours for the bike (which a lot of people have told me that it's taken them 4-4.5 hours to finish) then I only have 3 hours for the run. If I take the full 4.5 hours for the bike, I only have 2.5 hours for the run. I can't run a half marathon that fast on fresh legs, my current half marathon time is 2:54.

So where do I go from here? The only person that I know that doesn't believe I can do this is me. I'll admit I'm having an off day today so that may be contributing to my doubt, but part of me just feels so stressed about this that I'm not enjoying the training. Finishing this race would be one of the greatest accomplishments of my life so far. How do I get over this feeling of doubt and just give it all I have (and be happy with that, whether I finish or not)? One of my friends said if I roll over then I just gave myself another 12 months of worrying about it, and I know he is right. If I don't roll over, I have 10 weeks of stress. How do we balance between meeting our goals and keeping this fun and healthy? It's not supposed to cause me stress, I do this to relieve stress not cause more. Ok, all I've done is ask a bunch of questions I don't know the answer to-sorry to everyone who took the time to read it.

Can I get it all together?

Thursday - rest day

Friday - swim (no idea how long). I had a friend with coaching/competitive swimming experience come and help me with my stroke. Because we've been friends for years it was hard for her to tell me how bad I am. I explained to her that if I thought I was a good swimmer I wouldn't have asked her to help me. I learned a lot about what I was doing wrong but changing those habits is really tough! I feel like I'm learning to swim all over again. I have a lot of work to do but I think this will really pay off.

Saturday - half hour of yoga. I was pretty sore from the swim.

Sunday - biked about 25km and ran 7km. First brick of the year. The bike was tough because the wind was really strong (although I can't remember biking without the wind). The first 5km of the run was really good. I felt strong and was running 7 min kms. At 5km my legs started to feel really tired and I was down to walking 2 mins and running about 5. I made it but I was really tired afterwards. About 1km from my house I started wondering why I have signed up for all of these big races??? I should have just done an Olympic distance this year. It's funny when self doubt creeps in and you question everything. I was ready to drop GWN right there. Of course once you get home and everything is ok, you know that you do this because it's amazing to push yourself to places you'd never thought you'd go. It's all part of the journey.

These is so much to get together-I haven't put any real miles on the bike yet and my swim needs a lot of work. I guess there is never a time everything is perfect. If I feel totally prepared I'm not pushing myself hard enough.

11 weeks, but who's counting?

As promised, here is my (late) weekly update.

Wednesday Apr 12 - ran 4.6kms. I was pretty out of breath and it was a struggle but we made it. It was the first warm day this year, so I'm adjusting to the heat again.

Thursday - planned on training but got lured by temptation for a well deserved celebrate the long weekend beverage after work.

(Good) Friday - ultra-conditioning workout. I tried something new after this - soaking in cold water for 10 minutes afterwards. It totally sucks but my muscles thanked me later.

Saturday -cycling for about 1hr 20. This was a tough ride, it was windy and we seemed to be going uphill all the time :0) My legs were tired from the workout the day before but I did it! Usually I can't do anything for about 2 days after that workout.

Sunday - I really psyched myself for a bad run today. My legs were really tired and sore after that bike ride. Once I got out there and warmed up, I had the strongest 10km run I've had in a long time! It was a great run - thanks to my running partners. We were doing more like 10:2s but I felt strong at the end. Average pace was about 8:12/km.

Monday- well earned rest day.

Tuesday - my shoulder has really been hurting for about a month now. It started out feeling tight when I was running, but now it hurts all the time. Did some yoga tonight to try and stretch everything out. Made an appointment with my massage therapist for next Saturday-hopefully he can work it out.

Wednesday - 5km in 36 mins. Good time for me. My calves felt tight at first but once they loosened up I felt pretty good.

The confidence comes and goes - some days I can really see myself crossing that finish line at GWN and some days I think I can't do all that together. I really want to finish this event!! I considered trying to drop about 15 lbs so it will be easier but I've been told on my running forum that this is not the time to lose weight because I need the calories for training. Guess I should have thought about this sooner. I'd still like to go and get a fitness analysis done so I can see where my body fat percentage is at etc.

Triathlon training in full swing now

Monday and Tuesday were rest days. I wanted to do something on Tuesday but I was exhausted after 8 hours of facilitating so I took the night to relax.

Wednesday - ultra-conditioning workout. I love this workout, but I still hurt for a couple of days afterwards.

Friday - swam about 1000m. Tried to join a "drop in" group at Kinsmen but it wasn't drop-in at all. This group goes regularly. I had no idea how to do the drills they were doing and the coach was totally unhelpful. A couple of the ladies in my lane tried to help but they needed to do their workout. I was really dissappointed in the lack of help, even though I went and told the coach that I had never been before. Half way through I got out of the pool and went over a few lanes to just swim laps by myself. I'm going to call a friend that has experience coaching and get some one-on-one help. I just want to train properly in the pool instead of doing tons of laps the wrong way.

Saturday - first outdoor ride of the season!!!! Met up with a few friends and biked 30km in about an hour and a half. Took it easy and enjoyed being out. Today wasn't for training, just shaking out the legs.

Sunday - ran 9km (avge pace 8:13/km). Felt tired and slow today. Took a lot of extra walk breaks but finished not too badly. This is the first weekend of training in all 3 sports so I'm ok with a slower run today.

Time to put in some bricks before Coronation.

Just can't follow the program

Training this week:

Tuesday: swam 1000m. I felt a bit tired from the 90km bike on Sunday and I was dumb enough to go swimming before eating dinner. I was pretty drained by the end. I really need to get my nutrition in order.

Wednesday: ran 6kms (avg pace 7:48/km) felt really good. I haven't felt that good on a run in a while.

Sunday: ran about 11km. Felt really good for the first 6kms, but started having some stomach problems and dry heaving after that. Managed to walk/run my way back and didn't feel too bad at the end.

I've looked at the program for finishing a half im and I just can't find the time and the energy to follow it. Because of work, car sharing, my husband's shift work and parenting swimming three times a week is not possible. I wonder if I need a personal trainer to set up a program that is more suitable to my lifestyle?