How do you fulfill your life?

This post is going to be more mental rambling than training talk. I think I go through a period every year where I spend a lot of time thinking about the balance in my life. Training every day was too much and didn't leave me the time or energy for family and friends. Doing no training left me feeling tired and gross. I have definitely found some exercise balance with my current weekly schedule; two crossfit workouts, one run, one spin that includes some crossfit stuff and a swim (sometimes.) That puts me at 5 days a week but everything is around an hour. Physically, I feel good. The nutrition plan is going pretty well. I have managed to keep with the program during the weekdays. The plan allows for cheat days but I know I take those a little too far indulging on everything I love. I haven't had my weight or measurements done again yet because I'm concerned that I'm not going to show great results. According to my scale I'm now around 152lbs, which means I'm still going down. It just feels like it's a lot of work and sacrifice when the results are slow to come. Of course this is the reason most people give up - there comes a point where the sacrifices are not worth the results. I would still love to see how far down and toned I can get which is what drives me but I will admit to many thoughts of, "is this really worth it?"

The one thing I find missing in my life is a sense of fulfillment. When I trained for races, I had goals and purpose. I no longer defined myself by my career but by my achievements in losing weight and becoming healthy. Now I find myself wondering what to do with my career and feel like something is missing. I have thought about going back to University to pursue a degree. This may open some doors but it's a gamble that costs lots of money and time. It would be worth it if I knew I could get a career that I was really passionate about but that's not so easy to pinpoint. I know I'm passionate about active lifestyle but haven't figured out how to turn that in to a career. I'm sure I can apply my adult learning background here somehow but am trying to work this out. I'm not sure if I need to turn my attention to a new career or pursue personal goals again. For now I spend my time daydreaming about doing a job I love.

A much needed update!

I know, I'm really far behind. Don't worry, I did not fall off the wagon or the face of the earth for the last two months. I meant to post around new years with a little 2008 reflection but January got away from me so I'll write about where I'm at now, mentally and physically.

Right now I'm still seeing my personal trainer once a week, and doing a second crossfit workout at home prescribed by him. I know I need to do some other endurance/triathlon specific training if I intend on doing any racing this year. At this point I'm at one or two sessions of: running, biking or swimming per week but nothing structured. The last two weeks I have returned to the ultra conditioning dvd (spin mixed with other exercises - pushups, situps, lunges etc.) which has been good for FINALLY getting me back on my bike.

In December I went for a 6 week checkup. Here are the results:
Went for a 6 week "check up" on the weekend. Here are the results:
November 10, 2008/ December 20, 2008/ Difference

R Bicep = 12.5 /11.75/-0.75"
L Bicep = 12.25/12.25/0
R Thigh = 25.5/23.5/-2"
L Thigh = 24/23.25/-0.75"
Waist = 35.25/34.75/-0.50"
Hips = 42.5/ 40.25/-2"
Chest = 39.75/38.0/-1.75"
Weight = 165.5/155.5/-10lbs
Bodyfat = 32.7%/28.2%/ -4.5%

I was really happy with these results! To see a 4% decrease in body fat was really inspiring. During Ironman training, I didn't see any weightloss or decreases in body fat but I did gain some pretty scary quad muscles (which have thinned out again.)

It was really tough to stick to the eating plan through Christmas, so it was my goal to just sustain over that period. I should really go for another 6 week checkup but I'm worried I'll be disappointed when I don't post the kind of results I saw at the last one which will decrease my motivation. Everything is currently back on track though. I have seen great gains in my strength though! I can now do 20 pushups, on my toes! When I started I had to do them all on my knees. Last week we did the same circuit we did in week one - step in and out of a ladder x 2, 21 dumbell swings, 12 dips (on a bench) repeated 3 times. Week 1 = 7:29. Week 12 = 5:30. I will be interested to see if this translates to faster running times in something like a 5km.

The other week I hit the pool (for the first time since Ironman) and did a 1000m time trial to see where I'm at. I was really happy to see that my 1000m time was exactly the same as last April, at 25mins. Considering I haven't swam a stroke in 4 months, it's nice to know I didn't lose my fitness in this area. The mental side of this is how much of it do I really want to do for this season? If I can maintain without much training, I'll take it since the swim is a necessary evil for me - I don't really enjoy doing it.

So, where am I at mentally? (I know this domain can be a pretty scary place sometimes) Right now I'm at a pretty good place. I feel I have found balance in my life. It's funny, I've gone around in a circle. In the beginning I was happy to just run and get out there. Then I went on this goal setting rampage, hiring a coach and training 6-7 days a week for 2 years hitting some amazing goals and then facing the grim reality of the mental breakdown that follows when you dnf your big goal. So now I'm back around to doing things that make me happy and not caring so much about hitting those big goals. This year I'm more excited about getting out on my mtn bike and trying an overnight hiking trip or two! I'm signed up for my fourth Great White North half ironman but still don't know if this is such a good idea. I know what it takes to do well at the half iron distance and so far, I have zero inclination to put in the work to do it. I'll see how things take shape but with the upcoming Beginner Tri Bootcamp taking up a lot of my time in May and June, I really don't know how I'm going to train for this. The choice is....go in undertrained and see what happens, or don't do it this year. We'll see on that one. I have learned that I NEED to exercise as much for my mental health as my physical but there is a line and once you cross it, it begins to hurt you life more than help it. I am really happy that I followed through in my promises to my family to stop putting them second to my race goals. I know I rambled on during my Ironman training about what is it all worth if you have no friends when you cross that finish line? Now I feel this guides my life and helps me to be positive and satisfied with where I'm at, regardless of my finish times. At the end of the day it's: mother, wife, friend,triathlete.

Besides the tri clinic, this is the one goal that I found that made me smile: http://www.trainingandracing.com/offroadtriathlon/
This is my goal for 2009! Have the time of my life at my first ever offroad triathlon. Combine my love for mtn biking with my love for triathlon. I'm still in denial about how much this is going to hurt. :0)