You call those rollers??????

Left home Wednesday at 9:30pm and arrived in Penticton at 9:30am Thursday morning. After settling in and spending some time with my family, I went for a 2.5 hr ride which was supposed to be followed by a 45min run. I went out and just had no legs. My quads were tired. I don't know if it was the result of riding too hard on Tuesday or the travelling but I just felt like I had no strength. Climbing the hills was sooooo hard. After coming in, I went to go for a run but just didn't have it. I tried some flat coke before I left and it just upset my stomach. I tried to run but had no strength. 

Friday was a 1:15hr swim and a 2 hour bike on the schedule. I got up at 5:30 and went down to the lake at 6am. The water was pretty choppy. I was swimming across the beach and things weren't too bad. I went to go straight out in to the water to add a bit of time but as soon as I changed direction I didn't feel so good so I decided to head back along the beach. I hit the 1 hour mark and all of a sudden my stomach just starts turning and I start puking. OK - that's the end of that swim. I swim back towards the beach and finish it at 1:05. I went back to the house and still wasn't feeling well so I slept for about 4 hours. Later on in the day we went out for a really easy 2hr bike ride. My legs still felt tired but it wasn't too bad. 

Saturday was the big day - going to ride the course! I didn't sleep at all, I was SO nervous about the course and all of the bad workouts I had been having. I met my friends and we head off at 8:15. It was a hot day in Penticton. The first couple of hours was ok but I felt like I was really struggling; non of it felt "easy." I struggled my way up Richters Pass but was happy when I made it. Then came the infamous "rollers." Sorry! In Alberta a roller is something you can get enough speed to get at least half way up the other side. Those things ARE NOT rollers, they are climbs and they HURT! The first one, I just wanted to quit. Coming up the second one, my chain fell off and I couldn't get it to pick back up in time, so I stopped and fixed it. Actually felt a little better after that little break. I managed to tick them off one by one. I was getting so tired though, I felt like I had no energy. We missed the turn off for the out and back (to ride the back) but did a few kms of it. I was almost out of fluid by the time we reached Bears Fruit Stand. We had a break there and I ate a banana and had a bottle of apple juice. Then we head off again. I'm telling myself, it's just 45kms and Yellow Lake - you can do this! Wish my legs would listen. About 5km later I have a flat. First time changing a tire on my own and that was kind of ugly - luckily someone stopped to help. We lost a spring and I thought I was done but someone else said I could ride without it so off we went again. I was struggling every step of the way now. Finally, I'm in my lowest gear and weaving all over the road. I start to cry and just call it quits. I told my friend to go on and finish his ride and call for a ride back. I laid in the grass on the side of the road for an hour waiting for a ride. All the cyclists were great, and one nice motorist stopped to make sure I was ok. 

Of course all I'm thinking about is, "how am I ever going to get this done on race day?" Then I start getting rational....stop putting so much pressure on yourself! Show up on race day and do the best you can. That's all you can ask of yourself. If it's meant to be, then it is. 

After GWN I had some time to reflect and I realized it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was so caught up in PB's and feeling entitled to them because I work so hard that I lost sight of why I do this. Right now, I don't love this anymore. I'm exhausted and feel like I've sacrificed so much to get here. Ironman is my dream and it's worth the sacrifice but I want to go back to doing this out of passion, not obligation. Next year I won't be pursuing PBs, I am going after passion and fun! Remember the joy of just finishing? That's what is next for me!